I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
