I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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