no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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