i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize