You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
