Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
