I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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