this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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