Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
