how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
