I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize