Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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