I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
