In the future we'll all be gay
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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