i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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