i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
