Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize