I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
they're like a gay fantastic four
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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