My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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