apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
