i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
