Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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