I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Did you just see the Batmobile???
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I believe in your delicious
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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