that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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