At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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