Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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