No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I touched a dick in church today
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize