dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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