In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
