I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
