So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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