Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
