I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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