I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
