I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Your penis caused this!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
