dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
