The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
