Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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