Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
