I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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