kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
