Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
