his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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