I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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