i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
