Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
