so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Randomize
