sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
40s are totally the cure
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
