i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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