I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
