You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
