Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
