just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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