can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
