Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
