I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
