I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
