I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
