She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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