I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
