There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
