I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
