we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize