I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
